Manager Mahatma!

Mahatma, found wanting, ticks off business as usual

1/2/2018 7:17:53 PM
written By : Debashis Chatterjee Print

Dear Mahatma,

On behalf of Complex Lifestyles Solutions Inc. I thank you for applying for the job of Vice-President (Corporate Communications) in our esteemed Company. Thank you for sending us your elaborate autobiography.

1. The position you have applied for requires vice, not virtue. Please note that we had not advertised for a Virtue President.

2. Your commitment to constant truth-telling is dangerous for our organisation’s self-image. We want someone who can be very, very economical with the truth.

3. Here we are looking for a high-testosterone, can-do, combat-ready, loud human saxophone and not a turn- the- other- cheek type.

4. We are a socially responsible company as a matter of policy and within permissible limits. We do smuggle some pesticide in our product but make up for it by advertising socially responsible messages on paid commercial channels.

5. You say that you live simply so that others may simply live. Unfortunately, we are in the complex lifestyle solutions business. The more complex life gets, the more people buy our solutions.

6. By the way, what is this ahimsa thing? We are also firm believers in non-violence. We just out-talk, out-smart, out-sell and KILL all competition.

7. Our Company mission statement is inspired by one of the greatest leaders in human history who incidentally was born on the same day as yours: “There is enough for a man’s need but not enough for his greed. As long as there is never enough we will continue to be in business.”

We regret to inform you that we cannot offer you the job at the present time. Should a revolution happen in the future, we shall consider!

Sincerely,

VP (Human Re-Engineering)

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