Ps & Bs Of Procreation

Peacocks, peecee, and the birds and the bees

6/30/2017 2:15:42 PM
written By : Shobhaa De Print

Yes. The heat is on. And the heat is getting to a lot of us. Like that darling former High Court judge from Rajasthan who has a unique theory on the mating habits of India’s national bird – the gorgeous peacock.

Declared the learned Mahesh Chand Sharma, “A peacock does not mate with a peahen in order to procreate.” In other words, the peacock is so ‘pavitra’, it reproduces without bothering with sex. It is this purity that qualifies a peacock to be declared as the national bird of our pavitra nation.

All those little birdies you see strutting around are born after the peahen ‘drinks the tears’ of the peacock. Yup. Peacocks shed tears that produce babies after a peahen thirstily imbibes them.

This is the unique ‘holy’ quality this incredible bird possesses, and we should respect the wisdom of our ancient shastras before we make fun of the theory.

For the moment, I am leaving India’s holy cow out of this thread, even though the learned judge has his unique views on that subject too.

Fortunately for bewildered citizens, he made these startling disclosures on his last day in office. I shudder to analyse his judgements over the years.

For whatever reason, India has always been reluctant to discuss matters related to sex. We are terrified but fascinated by sex.

That we seem to be obsessed by it is evident: sex is on our minds, every moment, everyday, everywhere. Most news stories are either directly or indirectly related to sexual matters – murders, rapes, assaults, scandals.

Think about the vast amount of time, energy and valuable resources we invest on a daily basis, scrupulously uncovering sexual misdemeanours. Like other far more vital matters don’t exist at all.

Think also: when was the last time you read a positive, constructive, uplifting (ahem) article on sex? Most of the stuff out there is sneaky and sleazy. It is generally about perverted, deviant, kinky or violent sex.

A ‘swami’ gets his penis chopped off by a woman he has coerced into providing oral sex – and it makes headlines.

Why? Because we want to know lurid details – how did she do it? Was it fully or partially chopped off? Has it been reconnected? Does it work after surgery? The woman and what she has been through becomes secondary.

Soon after this, came the ridiculous ‘outrage’ over Priyanka Chopra’s ‘attractively exposed’ legs during her Berlin encounter with Narendra Modi (what a happy coincidence!).

There was nothing even remotely offensive about the display of those lovely, long and perfectly tanned legs.

But trolls went nuts reprimanding PeeCee for being ‘disrespectful’. What should she have worn? Don’t be predictable and chorus, “Saree!”

Why? Even as we speak, Priyanka is busy promoting Baywatch across the world. She wears very little in most of the scenes.

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